


Blackbird

by monkiimax



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crushes, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Nishinoya Yuu centric, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-11-17 18:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18103904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiimax/pseuds/monkiimax
Summary: Sometimes things got to be too much. Sometimes Nishinoya hid his cries with his pillow. Sometimes he punched the bruises to make them bigger, to make them take the form of a volleyball.





	1. So why you wanna fly, Blackbird? You ain't ever gonna fly

**Author's Note:**

> So I recommend you to check the tags in case some of this topics trigger you. Also if it is confusing but I wrote this in an attempt to get rid of my author's block but at the end I sort of liked it. So I hope you like it too.

It took them a long time to notice it.  After all, what are some more bruises on his arms and legs? They had assumed all of them were consequence of his constant training and reckless movements. They all assumed and never asked him. They would ask him if he was okay after a nasty fall or whenever a rival’s spike hit him on the face. Other that, they were used to the black, blue and green that adored the young libero’s skin. 

“Why do you smile so much?” Narita questioned him one afternoon after a big game. 

Nishinoya smile grew even wider but didn’t dare to look him in the eye. “Because that’s what the team needs.” 

 

People assumed deep down that because he was their guardian deity, he was some kind of a superhuman. He was always cheering them on. He was the one that always raised the mood and held them high when they felt like crumbling down. He was small but his presence filled the whole court. He seemed fragile but was the stronger person inside the team. He was amazing. He was a genius in his own category. The second best libero even after playing a third of official games the first place did during the season. His only defect seemed to be his clumsiness. 

“Do they hurt?” Ennoshita tried to reach Nishinoya’s arm but he stopped himself before he could make actual contact with his skin. 

“Not really. I usually never realize they are there in the first place.” He shrugged but pulled his arm closer to his chest without really noticing it. “I guess is just another perk of the job.” 

“You should be more careful.” Kinoshita added with a huff. 

Tanaka behind him snorted a laugh. “We’ve tried to tell him that countless of times. I think it would actually be easier to cover the court with mattresses.” 

Nishinoya always tried to be the loudest inside a room. It was something completely unintentional but he found that leading people to pay attention to his voice made them forget about everything else. If he was jumping around the place, messing around with Tanaka or just hitting the floor over and over, people seemed to forget the void that could be seen inside his pupils. 

 

“You can trust me.” 

There was just one person in his life that didn’t fall for his charades. 

“Yesterday we didn’t have practice.” 

Nishinoya was unable to be louder than necessary in front of him, and that only lead to trouble. 

“That bruise is new.” 

“You must be confused.” 

“I’m not.” Nishinoya looked down. How could he shrugged this off when the bruises looked like fingers around his wrists? “Please, don’t lie. Not to me.” 

“I’m not lying.” he crossed his arms up to his chest. “These ones are old.” 

A long silence. Was he finally getting tired of him? The only thought of that scenario gave him chills. 

“Okay…” his voices sounded so defeated, so sad. “Since when do you practice judo?” 

Nishinoya couldn’t look him in the eyes. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”  _ Bullshit _ . “I mean it, they are nothing.” 

His bigger body towered him making him seem smaller than usual. 

“Okay… I trust you.” 

Nishinoya finally looked up and found Asahi looking down at him with a sad smile. He could have sworn he heard his heart crash into a million pieces. 

 

The bruises got worse during his second year. Tanaka was the first one to notice it but he immediately believed his story about trying to be able to save blocked spikes. It was a half lie, considering he had indeed practiced during his suspension, but being honest, most of them were from another source. 

 

“Nishinoya embraces his marks like trophies.” Suga commented to the first years. 

Hinata’s eyes went directly to his legs and saw the different patterns on his pale skin. Kageyama saw his arms and noticed that the most prominent ones were on his forearms. The pair observed him play inside the court with such amazement it made Nishinoya’s cheek blush. 

_ You are so strong _ , he had heard those words so many times in his life he barely paid attention to them now.  _ It doesn’t hurt _ ? Other things hurt, stinged and ached more than just an ugly fall or a fast ball hitting his naked skin. 

“But you should be more careful.” Hinata commented one night. It was the second day of their training camp and they were the only ones still awake after a long day. “One day… Maybe… you could really hurt yourself.” 

Nishinoya stretched his arm and, almost by instinct, he caressed Hinata’s cheek. The boy didn’t flinch or moved away. On the contrary, he seemed to relax with the sudden contact. 

“I’m your senpai. I should be doing the worrying around here.” 

“But we are friends.” He didn’t say teammates. “We should all care about each other.” 

“I promise I’ll be careful in our next game.” Nishinoya retracted his hand and heard a faint sigh coming from the younger player. “I mean it.”

 

He was surprised to realize how much he had missed seeing Asahi so close to him. Maybe it was just his back (he actually didn’t see the libero during the games), but Nishinoya felt safe behind that enormous shadow. 

 

“He was going to quit.” Daichi said. Asahi turned around dazzled. Nishinoya was chatting with Tanaka and Kageyama next to the bus. The sun was starting to set and they needed to go back home. 

“He said…” Suga was having trouble getting the words out of his mouth. “That it would be wrong to keep playing if you weren’t there.” 

Asahi looked down at his feet, unable to face the halo that now seemed to surrender Nishinoya with the sunset hitting his back. Without noticing he avoided his confused expression when he passed next to him and entered the bus without saying a word and then his pained expression after finding someone else sitting next to him. Without noticing, his reluctance to accept that he was actually an important part of Nishinoya’s life stung the smaller boy worse than any other punch or slap he had ever received. 

 

Things got complicated when the black and blue reached his face. 

“That wasn’t a ball.” 

Nishinoya shook his head and raised his chin high. 

_ He wears those bruises like trophies.  _

“Now you are speaking to me?” 

 

Sometimes things got to be too much. Sometimes Nishinoya hid his cries with his pillow. Sometimes he punched the bruises to make them bigger, to make them take the form of a volleyball. 

 

“One more!” he was out of breathe. His muscles aged, but he needed to keep going. 

“Nishinoya, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Daichi said softly. Nishinoya raised his eyes from the floor where he was kneeling. “Go home and rest.” 

“One more time…” even Hinata and Kageyama were exhausted. “Please, just…” 

He looked around trying to find some back up, but everyone was just staring at him with worried faces. Nishinoya dropped his head between his shoulders.  _ I can’t go home…  _

That night he slept inside the club changing room. Before that, he saw the two exams burn before his eyes in a little self-made fire. 

 

Asahi found Nishinoya sitting inside the gym already with his sports uniform. They still had 30 minutes before morning practice but this kind of situation wasn’t weird anymore. 

“Hey.” he greeted the boy. 

Nishinoya looked up and smiled at him. He was always smiling. “Good morning.” 

He sat next to him and offered him his silence. Nishinoya thanked him by leaning over his arm and closing his eyes. Ashi passed his hands through his messy hair; it was greasy and wasn’t as high as it usually was. 

“I’m here.” 

Nishinoya had drifted off at some point without Asahi noticing. “I’m here.” 

 

Something inside of Asahi always told him something was off. 

“A ball can’t cut your lip.” 

Asahi’s hand looked enormous as he took him by the chin and made him look up. His eye and lip were sollen. He could also see the hint of dry blood on the corner of his nose. 

Nishinoya sighed and shook his head. What was the point of lying anymore? “So?”

“How did you get it?”

The chilly night seemed the perfect setting for that conversation. “Sometimes I´m not what my parents want me to be.” 

The truth hit the two boys at the same time.  _ When you talk about it, you make it real _ . Nishinoya closed his eyes trying to escape the other’s sad gaze. 

Asahi knew, he knew deep down, that something was wrong. And he did nothing. How could he ever forgive himself? 

“I’m sorry I called you…” his voice sounded so fragile, so unsure. “But… I didn’t want to see anyone else right now.” 

_ I didn’t want anyone else to see me like this.  _

 

But at the end everyone found out. Nishinoya felt like he was about to die. 

_ You told them _ . He could only recall fragments of the fight.  _ Ukai sensei… Takeda sense…  they can't even look me in the eye anymore _ . But it wasn’t Asahi’s complete fault. He wasn’t able to hide his black eye. He wasn’t careful enough.  _ Now they think…  _ Did he really cared that much what the other’s thought?  _ I’m Karasuno’s guardian deity.  _ He couldn’t be weak. If he wasn't strong enough… who would encourage the first grades? Who would make Tanaka smile during a hard match? Who would take some of the weight off Daichi’s and Suga’s backs during hard times? Who would support Asahi if he ever encountered another impenetrable wall?  _ I’m not weak! I’m okay!  _

“NO, you are not!” 

 

The counselor’s office was cold. Nishinoya was sitting on a chair next to Takeda-sensei, waiting for the worse. Ukai was standing up with his back pressed against the wall. The principal seemed annoyed by all the fuzz. The young boy took a deep breathe.  _ Let me be brave _ . 

She came in 10 minutes late; alone. 

“We just wish to know if everything is alright at home.” Takeda said with his usual soft voice. “We want to know if Nishinoya is staying in a safe place.” 

His mother’s eyes got through him like bullets. 

“Is that what he’s been telling you?” 

Nishinoya looked down, ashamed, cornered… 

“Is what he have seen so far what worries us.” Ukai barked. 

“He is a clumsy boy.” 

His eyes became watery. His breath was uneven. Was the room becoming smaller? 

“A mark with the form of a slap is not clumsiness.” Ukai sounded so mad. 

The woman seemed to be holding back a laugh. Again her eyes went back to him. “You haven’t told them the whole truth yet?” Nishinoya winced at her voice. “Why does your father has to punish you?” 

“Miss, I think we have to clarify the differences between punishment and  _ abuse _ .” Takeda tried to interfere but she didn’t let him. 

“He has a deviation.” 

It was out. Finally it was out to everyone to see and judge. 

“When you say “deviation”, are you referring to…?”

“We just want the best for his future.” she leaned on her chair as she crossed her arms up her chest. “That kind of desires would make him an outcast; a pariah to society. He is not that smart, all he has is that stupid sport but I don’t even think that will give him good chances of getting somewhere in life. Add to that his problem… We are just doing what is best for him.” 

The rest of the meeting was a blur. He could recall some shouting and, after a while, a hand grabbing him by the arm and making him leave the place. Nishinoya wasn’t able to look up or face any of their superiors. He didn’t dare to see what they thought of him now. 

 

He missed school the next day and the day after that. Even breathing hurt too much. 

 

“Yuu…” Asahi was sure he was on the edge of having a heart attack. Tanaka, Suga and Daichi were behind him, walking slowly and steadily towards the boy. Nishinoya stood on the edge of the building looking down. His broken body hid under an oversized hoodie(Asahi’s) but everyone could see how bad he was shaking. “You don’t want to do this.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because it’s not the end of the world.” 

Nishinoya half turned his head to their direction. The four boys stopped walking. “How would you know? Everyone loves you.” 

His hands were clutching tightly to the sleeves of the hoodie. 

“You are loved too.” 

The boy shook his head. He knew what was coming. He was going to be taken away and put into an institution. And everyone was going to find out. 

“I’m sick of it, you know?” 

“Of what?” Suga asked softly. Asahi saw Tanaka and Daichi start moving to the sides, slowly. 

“I didn’t ask to be this way.” his voice broke. “I never meant to disappoint them.” 

“What do you mean Nishinoya?” Silent tears ran down Suga’s face even though his voice stood steady and firm. Asahi couldn’t even cry. He was petrified. 

The boy finally turned around and faced the group. Daichi and Tanaka stopped moving but Nishinoya’s eyes were fixed on Asahi. The boy sighed. He was tired of lying and pretending. He was tired of being scared all the time.

“Asahi.” Nishinoya sobbed. “I know it’s not fair for you. I know I shouldn’t even say this but…” he paused for a moment. With his hair down he truly looked like a kid. “But I love you.” his voice shattered inside his throat but he kept talking. He needed to get it out before… “And not in a  _ I love you, bro  _ way, okay? I mean:  _ I love you _ want to hold you hand, and be all the time with you and kiss you and I know it is not right. I’m aware I’m deviant because it’s wrong and… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” 

He was now shaking dangerously and moving back and forth unable to control the spams of the sobs. 

“Yuu…” Asahi took two steps forward. “Yuu, can you look at me for a second? Please?” 

He didn’t move for a second. But then he did, and when he meet Asahi’s eyes something told the older one it was safe to keep moving.  

“Please, don’t do this. There is no one waiting for you over there. I’m here. I’ll always be here.” 

He took a another step and stretched his hand. 

“We love you, so much you can’t even imagine.” 

Yuu started raising his hand, doubtfully. 

“I love you.” 

Nishinoya’s eyes reminded him of a scared and wounded animal. Unsure about trusting whatever was before him. 

“I love you so much Yuu I can’t imagine a life where I don’t have my guardian angel beside me. I need you. So please…” The boy stretched his arm a little bit more. Nishinoya was just inches away from touching him. “Come back to me.” 

The moment Nishinoya’s hand grasped Asahi’s, he pulled him away from the edge and surrounded him with his arms. Awkwardly, the two teens stumbled down and fell. Tanaka ran towards them and hugged his best friend over Asahi’s arms. Behind them Suga collapsed on the floor while Daichi stared at the scene unable to process what had just happened. 

 

The room was full with all sort of noises: little kids cries; older kids arguments and some screaming from the grown ups. Nishinoya sat on the bed in silence. With his back pressed against the wall and his knees touching his chest, his eyes were focused on nothing. 

“Yuu?” The woman’s voice startled him. When he turned towards the door he saw the young lady that was in charge of the institution standing on the doorframe. There was a man beside her. 

“Get your stuff.” Ukai-sensei ordered him but Nishinoya wasn’t able to move fast enough. “We are leaving the moment the paperwork is done.” 

The room suddenly fell silent. 

Ukai’s expression softened. “I’m sorry it took me so long, but the bureaucracy in these places is a little more complicated than what I remembered.” 


	2. And they call you little sorrow cos you'll never love again

He came back, but before-Noya was slowly drifting away. People treated him different. Like if he was about to break. 

“Nice receive!” 

Another perfect safe. His back hit the floor but he used the impulse to get back up and prepare for the next attack. Tsuki tried to spike again but he saved it again. For him, those two weeks away from the court had only helped him get his strength back. 

It was his responsibility to show them wrong. 

A new serve, a new opportunity.  

“Again!” he wasn’t able to save it but he was willing to keep trying.

Yes, some bruises still stung under his skin and most scars would  probably never disappear, but he was still alive. He was still standing and people needed to remember who he was: the  _ guardian _ . 

“Damn it!” Tanaka hissed after Nishinoya stopped his spike. 

Yes, people would forever remember the scene on the roof and how desperate he was. He was still able to see that memory replaying in their eyes whenever he caught Daichi, Suga and Asahi staring at him. 

“Match point!” Daichi announced. Nishinoya got ready. 

 

But there were times when the past tried to catch up with him and, when it did… boy, it hurt. 

 

Everyone woke up at the noise of a loud high pitched scream inside the room. Sugawara jumped from where he was sleeping and tried to find the light interruptor. Everyone was looking in all directions, still not completely aware of their surroundings. Then a second scream, even more terrifying than the first filled the room. Finally the lights turned on and they all saw the only person still asleep thrashing around tangled with the covers. 

“Yuu!” Asahi hurried to where the boy was. 

Everyone sat in silence, unaware of what to do. 

“Yuu, wake up.” the boy caressed his hair and face while he tried to stop the boy from hurting himself by holding his right wrist. Noya opened his eyes but his breathing was still accelerated and was still trying to break free from Asahi’s grip. “You are okay. You are safe.” 

And with that everything snapped. His pupils finally focused on Asahi’s face and the weight of the nightmares crushed him down. Nishinoya closed his eyes again and tears started rolling  down his temples and got lost inside his hair. Asahi finally let go of his arms. Nishinoya used that freedom to pull the taller one by the neck making him almost collapse on top of him. 

The rest of the group stood up and sat around the couple. Tanaka and Hinata caressed Noya’s arms, face and hair while they said encouraging things while Suga and Daichi just put their hands on Asahi’s back in a comforting way. 

After an hour almost everyone was back asleep. Nishinoya looked around him: he was practically using Asahi as a human pillow; next to him Suga and Daichi were sleeping almost hugging. On his left he had Hinata practically snuggled against him and Tanaka sandwiching him in such position that his hand could still be touching Noya’s arm even if there was someone between them. He tried to calm his mind and go back to sleep but his mind was running a thousand miles per hour. 

He could barely recall what the dream was about, but he could still feel the utter terror and helplessness he had felt in those moments. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that was utterly wrong or that something terrible was about to happen. 

_ In  _

He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. 

Everything was okay. 

Asahi was right. He was safe. 

_ Out  _

 

Yachi looked like a ghost when she finally reached them. He guess he was looking as pale and terrified too. Tanaka and he entered the gym and saw in utter shock how Kageyama was holding Hinata’s t-shirt neck with a furious expression on his face. Because of the angle they weren’t able to see Hinata’s expression but his toes could barely touch the ground. The scene felt too familiar to Nishinoya. 

And then he saw Kageyama toss the smaller boy like if he was a ragdoll. Hinata’s voice collapsed against the floor in slow motion and Nishinoya saw in horror how his head hit with the floor do to the impact. The scene felt too familiar it made Nishinoya’s eyes water. 

“Hey! Stop i...!” Tanaka screamed but Nishinoya had already reacted. 

It wasn’t hard for him to tackle a distracted Kageyama, even with his short height. He landed on top of Kageyama and sat on his torso. The boy looked at him surprised but Nishinoya wasn’t looking at Kageyama; all he could see was a bully, an abuser. 

He didn’t even make a sound. All he did was raise his arm, make a fist, and swing the hit at his face. 

The gym became silent. 

Hinata was still laying on the floor but he had seen everything in first row.  Yachi was silently crying as thick tears rolled down his eyes. And Tanaka… he finally reacted when he saw blood coming from Kageyama’s nose. 

 

He hid inside the closet, too ashamed to face the world. 

_ What were you thinking? The three of you?  _

He sobbed as he pressed his forehead against his knees. 

_ You could have really hurt him!  _

Who was Daichi even screaming at in that point? Kageyama or Nishinoya? 

_ What is wrong with you?  _

Nishinoya heard someone enter the room. A big shadow came closer to the closet door and stood there for a second. Nishinoya covered his mouth with his hand. The newcomer sat and pressed his body against the wooden surface making it squeal.

“I guess you are upset. I wouldn’t blame you.” 

He remained quiet.  _ What is wrong with you?  _

“I’ve heard all version of that fight.” Ukai said in a sigh. “All except yours.” 

Nishinoya shook his head even though the other one couldn’t really see him. 

“Something must have triggered your reaction.” he didn’t sound mad. “I’ve come to know you, or at least I think I do. You are only aggressive when you think your team is being threatened. I’ve seen you defend the others during tournaments, and Sugawara told me about your fight with Asahi.” 

He couldn’t help to let a whimper escape his lips.

“He told me you were so mad he thought you were going to hit him. But you didn’t…” Ukai´s voice became even softer. “Why…” 

“I… I didn’t see Kageyama or Shouyou…” he paused and Ukai gave him enough time to continue. He didn’t push him or become annoyed. “All I could see was my dad and me… and I guess I did what I always wanted to happen...” 

“You wanted someone to save you.” 

The closet door opened slowly. Ukai took a glimpse inside, expecting to see Nishinoya about to leave the furniture. But the kid was stilled curled in a ball with his face hidden between his knees, but his right hand was stretched still touching the surface of the door. The man reached and softly touch the other’s hand. He saw the small hand flinch but didn’t move. He tried again and held his hand trying to be as gentle as possible. 

“I’m sorry that didn’t happen.” 

 

“Stop saying that.” Nishinoya was practically laying over Asahi as the movie played on the TV. “Nobody hates you.” 

“Yeah, right.” The libero snapped without taking his eyes from the screen. 

“Maybe you overdid it. But they get it. You were protecting Hinata.” 

“I did what he would have done.” 

Asahi’s big arms surrounded him and held him tight. Under that warm heat, with his heartbeat in his ear, Nishinoya could feel his muscles relax and his breathe become synchronized with Asahi’s. 

“You didn’t do that. I need you to get that. You aren’t him, and what you did was a natural reaction. Maybe it wasn’t the best option, maybe it was unlike you, and you feel terrible about that. But that is exactly what makes the difference between you and them.” Why did Asahi had to be right all the time? “You are aware of how wrong your actions were and are doing everything in your power to avoid repeating those actions.” 

Nishinoya pressed his face against Asahi’s chest. “What would I do without you?”

Asahi giggled making Nishinoya’s head bounce. 

 

He felt so angry he felt his insides boil. His skin felt too small and itching, like if it was somehow of twisted prison that made it harder and harder to breathe. He was upset and wasn’t sure why. All he knew was that he wanted to punch, scream and destroy. His hands shook on his side as he looked around. He needed to do something, anything that could calm down that rush of feelings. 

“We know you are upset…” Daichi said. Had he been talking all this time? Nishinoya couldn’t recall. 

“Fuck off!” he snapped. “You have no idea how I’m feeling.” 

He tried to scramble away from the group. He needed to destroy something or he surely would explode. 

“Nishinoya, don’t walk away from me!” Daichi grabbed him by the arm without thinking. 

“Don’t touch me like that.” he pulled his arm and easily freed himself. “Don’t you ever touch me like that!” 

“What’s up? Why are you acting all weird?” Tanaka added as he took a step forward. 

“I’m not acting weird, I’m just…” he couldn’t even express the tumultuous energy moving around inside his veins. 

“Nishinoya, I already told you. I’m okay.” Asahi tried to intervene. But little did he know he was just putting gasoline into the fire. “It was nothing, really.” 

Nishinoya wanted to destroy something. He needed to.

“That’s the fucking problem!” 

He wanted to hurt something so badly he wasn’t thinking about anything else. 

“You could have done something! You can defend yourself! You are big, strong and harsh looking; you shouldn’t be scared of other people! You can stand for yourself so it pisses me off that you don’t!” 

Everyone stood silent. For some of them the scene felt almost familiar, like a deja vú. But for the youngest ones it was the first time they ever say the duo fight like that. 

“Noya, you shouldn't…” Suga said but he was cut off. 

“You are a coward!” Nishinoya shouted. “You are nothing but a coward who wouldn’t stand of for himself even if his life depended on it.” 

“That’s enough!” 

“You are weak! Do you hear me?” he was beyond gone at this point. Asahi just stared at him in disbelief. “You are weak, and a coward, and a loser, and….”

Daichi just took two steps forward and surrounded the smaller boy with his arms. Nishinoya screamed, squealed and tried to push the other one but it was useless. 

“And I hate you! I hate you! I…!!” He cried. Diachi just held him and moved their bodies back and forth until Nishinoya’s screams became sobs. 

After everything was out of his system, clarity appeared. 

“I wanted to fight back… But…” he sobbed. His hands grabbed Diachi’s jacket and held it tightly. “I’m small… I’m so small.” 

  
  


“It wasn’t okay.” 

Nishinoya knew. Tanaka sighed. 

“Have you two talked?”

Nishinoya shook his head. 

“He skipped practice. I thought you two had ditched us in order to get your shit together.” 

Nishinoya stood up from the bench and started walking away. Tanaka just saw him get smaller and smaller as he strut down the street. He didn’t know where his friend was going, but he was pretty sure he would end up meeting the tall boy. 

 

“I’m sorry.” he couldn’t even stop himself for tearing up as he said those words. “I didn’t mean what I said to you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I said.” 

Asahi caressed his cheek whipping a couple of tears. “I know.” 

Nishinoya dropped his head and covered his face with his hands. 

“You needed to take that anger out on somebody, and I’m glad you felt safe enough to take it out on me.” 

“I shouldn’t have.” why did he always returned to this cycle? Why he couldn’t just move on from feeling bad, and horrible, and in pain? “It wasn’t fair.” 

“No, it’s okay. I can take it.”

They stood in silence for a moment. 

“I’m sorry too.” Nishinoya looked up. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand what was happening in that moment.” 

 

The ball fell odd as it touched his fingertips. It felt almost foreign. He tried to push it just the way he did when he received, but the ball escaped his grip. His feet touched the ground a second before the ball. 

“What are you trying to do?” 

Nishinoya looked at the item behind him. How something familiar could suddenly become a stranger. The boy moved his head and his eyes rested on Asahi. The same feeling of strangeness appeared in his chest.

“Evolve.” 

 

Ukai served him his dinner, just like every night. Nishinoya stared at him. It didn’t feel like any other night. 

“I think you need help.” Ukai sat down next to him. “Therapy.” 

Nishinoya pushed the dish away from him. 

“This anger outburst, they are not normal.” 

“Haven’t you heard? I’m not normal.” Nishinoya stood up and put the chair back into its place. “And a shrink is not going to change that.” 

 

“I thought you were dating.” Nishinoya wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but it wasn’t his fault those three had decided to practice alone the same day he decided he wanted to practice some of Suga’s setting techniques. 

“What made you think that?” He easily recognized Asahi’s voice. 

“I don’t know…” that was Daichi. “Everything that happened, how you two seem even closer… the roof incident.” 

Nishinoya pressed his back against the wall and tried to be as quiet as possible. They hadn’t really talked about that. He had no idea what Asahi thought or felt about that. 

“I…” Asahi paused. “I mean, when he came back everything felt weird but normal at the same time. There are things that will never be the same but the closeness we have… I fear that if I try to talk to him about it, everything will blow on our faces.” 

Asahi saw him as a time bomb.  _ He has his reasons.  _ Nishinoya covered his mouth as a whimper tried to escape. 

“So, you are just going to stay as friends.” 

“We  _ are  _ friends.” 

His teeth bit his tongue so harshly, he was able to taste his blood. 

“So you are just going to leave things as they are…”

“I don’t want to mess him any more.” 

Nishinoya srinted out of the school without looking back. 

 

The vomit came out flying out from his mouth and splashed on the pavement. Nishinoya tried to even his breathing. 

“Let it all out.” 

Why was Suga there? how did he find him? 

Another twist in his stomach made him throw out some stomach acids. When he was done, Suga helped him move away from his mess and sat him on the bus stop. Right, he was drunk (for the first time in his life) and he thought he was going to die.  _ Thank God _ , he mentally kicked himself; it would have been a catastrophe calling Daichi or worse, Asahi. 

“I’m better now.” 

Suga could barely fake a smile. Everything in Nishinoya’s face and body language told him the opposite thing. “Yeah, sure. That’s good.” 

Nishinoya nodded and looked away. “Good.” 

Suga pat his own knees and stood up from the metal bench. 

“I guess I’ll just fetch you some fresh water.” 

“Stop worrying over me!” Noya’s shout came out of nowhere. 

Suga sat down again. 

“This is sort of my job…” 

“No, it isn’t.”   
“Okay, but I still want to do it.”

“I’m not worth it!” 

“Yes, you are” 

“Stop saying that!” 

“You are too drunk to argue with.” Suga sighed. “I can barely argue with you sober.” 

“Then fuck off and leave me the hell alone!” 

“Double swearing. Not even your worst enemies have received such treatment.”

Nishinoya rolled his eyes. 

“This isn’t you.”

“Maybe it is.” He could feel the dizziness start to disappear.  _ Fuck it,  _ it was easier being drunk. “Maybe fucked up Yuu is the real one and you just haven’t met him before.” 

“No, it is not. This version of Yuu is just a lost boy who needed to numb everything for a while. Real Nishinoya is just taking a nap, which to be fair, he desperately needed.” 

The music inside the club echoed all the way to the street.  

“Maybe the real Nishinoya is that lost boy.” 

Suga looked at Nishinoya with a sad expression in his eyes. 

NIshinoya tried to smile but it ended up being a weird smirk. “He’s always been that lost and scared little boy who needs to be saved.” 

“It’s okay to be saved. It’s okay to ask for help.” 

“Yeah...I’ve heard that a lot lately.” 

“You could do yourself a favor and listen to us.” Suga passed his arm around Noya’s arm and pulled him closer. “We are not the enemy.” 

“I know.” 

“Then stop pushing us away.” Noya closed his eyes for a moment. “Because no matter what, we are staying.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... I'm adding another chapter <3


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